For the last few hours, a post on google+ has been running through my brain. A girl who said she is getting ready to graduate from high school wrote me to ask about getting into this business. I could not stop thinking about this all morning, (hate that)……..I wrote her back telling her to go to college, as my education has been my best asset and told her to wait and explore more options, but in my brain that wasn’t enough. It’s hard to let an outsider in to our world and to explain our thought process. But I am going to try because I can’t stop thinking about it.
It would seem a bit contradictory or hypocritical for someone who says “they love the industry they are in and wouldn’t change their life for anything”, to tell someone to take another path. But, this is my life and it is the only life I have known. I have to be fair and say that I have lived in a world that others couldn’t even imagine. That world comes with a price. A price that no young girl should have to pay without thinking things through and understanding what else is out there. For some, they can play here for a while deciding if this is right for them, while for others that is an impossibility, this world never goes away. For those of us who have stayed in this life for some time, seclusion becomes our friend. We build walls between our families and friends in the outside world so that we, and they, are protected. A common thread heard throughout in the film “American Courtesans”. We stop trusting and always remain guarded, something that inevitably happens when you become a Courtesan. The way up is fraught with hardship and dangers and I’m sure that not a day goes by where women in this industry aren’t raped, killed and maimed. Things that most of us never talk about and those of us who have made it here, guard against regularly. We who are still here are the lucky ones.
I love my life. I have met some of the most brilliant minds of our time, I have seen many countries and dined with those i would have never met had I not been in this world. I have been able to support myself in a manor that has allowed me freedoms that others will never know. But…(you know there is always that but)….for me, like so many others, there is no longer a wall but a canyon between me and the rest of the world. My neighbors know nothing of me, my family only knows how I feel about the weather and my personal life is good when I’m snuggled with my fur babies. My shell has hollowed out some and my ability to understand loneliness comes from understanding, not from sympathy.
I started in my teens and this was the life I was handed. I have no regrets. This is who I am. I contribute to society, I pay my taxes and I have donated to numerous charities for years. Not to mention I never leave a Starbucks without putting a tip in the container for the kids who work there, knowing that their pay is somewhat dependent the generosity of others……
Still, in a perfect world, I would want a girl who is young and has her life ahead, to search out other options and attend college. I would always want her to find out who she is and understand what is driving her. Some of us get to this industry out of need for money or desire. Some of us are over-sexed, naturally or because of incidences that occurred in our lives at early ages. Some of us are caretakers and have a need to give in order to feel at peace with ourselves and some of us are merely surviving…..
No matter what this girl’s reasons are, she should know this life both gives and takes away…. and the parts that are taken, can not be replace in some instances. Though many of us didn’t understand that until we were already here. I know if this is her calling she will end up here anyway. I hope she does go to college and find out who she is and what her potential is in more areas than this arena, but if she does chose to enter this world my one wish would be that she does it safe and when she has lived a bit.